Facebook turns me into a glutton for punishment. I don't know why I have remained his "friend" after everything fell apart between us. Well, that's a lie... I am not his enemy, and secretly I want to know what he is doing with his life, I want to know that he is ok. But do I want to see him happy and in a new relationship? Do I want to see pictures of him kissing his new love? They look the same, it's just that the girl has been changed. Do I want to see the comments he leaves about her? The are written the same, it's just the person they are about has changed.
I know exactly why it bothers me so much. Why I get that sinking, horrible feeling in my gut. You know, the feeling you get when you hear something you didn't want to hear? I know why i feel that way when I see his updates all over my news feed.
He was the only person, in my 25 years of life, who saw something in me that was worthwhile. The only person who saw me as more than "just a friend." He looked at me and saw beauty, he cherished me, he adored me. I haven't found that again. I held onto hope that maybe someday he would come back around. He would see those things again. There is definitly no one else out there that sees those things. And now, that hope is gone. It's as if that part of me is gone. I want it back.
I want to feel worthwhile. I want to be more than "just friends." I want to feel beautiful. To be cherished. To be adored.
You are, you most definitely are. Yet, I struggle with the same thing you do.
ReplyDeleteI know that I am a beautiful creation, one who is loved and cherished and adored by His Father in Heaven with an unconditional, indescribably perfect love.
What I struggle with is people not viewing me in a way that Christ does, only a couple dozen Christians really do sometimes... and a couple dozen would be considered a lot if I did not know a terribly large number of Christians.
And I have never had someone view me in a way that your ex viewed you as you mentioned. I'm almost 20 though, of course, but at the rate I am going, I won't be dating until I'm fifty haha.
Although there may or may not be someone where you are that views you in such a way that is "more than friends," please find comfort in the fact that you are viewed admirably by friends, and they are striving to view you in a way that God does, not perfect, but we love you so dearly.
And trust me, it is not hard to love someone like you! You are so epic and awesome our brain explodes when we talk to you! Hahaha, for them, it is metaphorical, for me, it's real... I have to clean up the mess and everything.
Ridiculous, true, but you're amazing, and I hope and pray that you find comfort these truths. I also hope and pray that guys stop being stupid, and they realize how amazing you are!
Love,
Sincerely,
B'ry