Ok, I have been studying for the past few hours, and on my drive back to the dorm I had all kinds of thoughts floating around in my head. So, while this blog may be a little scattered, I do apologize, but that's just me! Complicated and wonderful!

I was thinking about my most recent blog post while trying to fall asleep last night. I had made that "PostSecret," posted at the beginning of the blog, a few years ago. At the time, I made it because I was just TIRED of hearing a close guy friend of mine swoon and fawn over every girl he saw. I didn't think that it was ever really about ME in my mind. And still, when I saw it recently, a new guy friend of mine came to mind, but I still didn't feel like it was TRULY about me. Mostly I just felt tired of hearing how BEAUTIFUL and PRETTY and ATTRACTIVE every single other girl was. Why can't we hear, "Man, that girl has got the most amazing laugh!" or even "Have you heard her talk about her passions? So awesome!" But, that is laughable. You will NEVER hear that from a guy. NEVER.
Even as I write this, I feel like a complete liar. Because deep down I realize how much about ME that PostSecret really is. I have never heard any of those things. I have always been surrounded by guys as my close friends. But that's all it ever amounts to, just the friend. And NEVER the beautiful, attractive, pretty one. I guess I never realized how deeply it affected me. Hmm…

The other day my roommate asked me if I ever wondered what my husband will look like. I thought about it and realized I really never have. I have always thought about my future mate, and what types of characteristics he will have... funny, outgoing, a heart for ministry... but as for looks... not so much. Sure we joke that I am obsessed with red hair and freckles... so that wouldn't be too bad! But in all honesty, the outward has never been a big deal for me. That is just the difference between males and females I guess! But now I can't help but wonder... what WILL he look like? Maybe God could help me out with a big red arrow pointing directly at him next time he's around, if he ever is.

I realize that I am truly a hopeless romantic. Sometimes I tease my friends for being this way, but I have to confess that I am just as bad, if not worse, than all of them put together. I LOVE love... I crave relationship... I want to hold his hand while he drives... I desire to be the first thing on his mind when he wakes up and the last thing he thinks of before falling asleep... I LONG for the day when the songs I listen to have more meaning than just pretty lyrics and harmonies. This has been at the forefront of my mind lately, maybe just because the holiday season is bearing down on us, or maybe because I torture myself by writing sappy blogs and listening to ridiculously cheesy music. Whatever the case, I am HOPELESS ♥